Healing is Not Linear 2.0
You may have noticed I haven’t posted any recipes lately. There’s a lot going on that it’s difficult for me to stay on top of doing regular blog posts too. Plus certain things right now make it complicated to play around with different foods.
I’ve had a lot of health issues lately, and the past year has been one of the most difficult periods in my life (and it’s still a continuous journey), making it even harder than my cancer treatment. I’m still in a thick of it all and not sure how or when I get better, so all I can do right now is keep going (or maybe crawling more like it on some days).
I’ve just been diagnosed with primary Sjögren Syndrome. It’s an autoimmune condition, and I got elevated markers for RA but no full blown disease, thanks God! Part of me is scared and sad of course (because who wants to hear you have autoimmune issues?), but there’s a bit of relief too as I finally got some answers about constantly being tired and out of breath, not healing well after my last year’s surgery and the eye surgery I recently had, and a lot of other symptoms. I’ve been complaining to doctors for years that something is wrong, but all I heard was “you’re fine”. Just because someone looks fine, it doesn’t mean it is so! Finally a couple doctors were willing to listen and dig a little deeper, but I came armed and prepared to fight to be tested further as I have all the classic signs of Sjögren, plus it affected my other chronic conditions that were stable prior to this flare up, so allergies and asthma symptoms unfortunately went haywire too. I know, I’m a mess!
With Sjogren, all senses are affected and many things become irritants, so I can’t do extensive cooking right now, and even eating itself is precarious due to systemic inflammation so I’ve been mostly existing on plain simple foods. Plus to help myself heal, I’ve started AIP diet (autoimmune protocol), and it’s even more restrictive than my previous gluten/grain free lifestyle I’ve led. Not much what I eat now is interesting to blog about and sometimes I skip some meals because I’m not in a mood to eat.
I’m not sure yet if I decide to take the medicine they offered me as the side effects and potential drawbacks can be as difficult and dangerous as the disease itself. On some days I’m pretty miserable with symptoms, and other days are a bit more manageable. Plus I’ve been dealing with an obscure neurological disorder since last year too that I wrote about before, and all of it brings on extensive physical fatigue so I’m just exhausted from being sick and tired. I think the most difficult task is to not lose hope, and that has been the most taxing of them all! You get depressed and unsure if you have any strength to survive this.
Yet somehow I’m still standing (despite the fact that certain days are spent in bed or medical offices) and even get to complain about my kid riding the damn motorcycle. I try to draw the strength and inspiration from other very brave people fighting illnesses and living a full life nevertheless. And of course I very much appreciate all the support you’ve given me on this healing journey!
I’ve given it some thought and decided not to change a whole direction of my blog right now or at least at this time even though I’m having issues with cooking and eating many foods. This blog is and will probably always be about making delicious gluten free recipes, both healthy ones and occasional sweet indulgences, peppered with a hefty dose of writing pieces, inspirational quotes, or funny pictures. I do not want to make it just about my health issues or related struggles even though I do bring the information in about my daily predicaments once in a while. It’ll be a challenge to cook certain foods knowing I can’t eat them because of my AIP restrictions now, so I’d have to rely on my general cooking knowledge and an inner sense of a chef to know what will work or won’t for each recipe. I’ve had certain recipes lined up for posting so I think I’ll keep it all as scheduled and may include some AIP-friendly dishes that may be interesting to a general population too.
By the way, Celiac is an autoimmune condition and not an allergy as many erroneously think. Certain symptoms may surely be the same as with food allergies but Celiac reaction to gluten is rather systemic like in any other autoimmune disease where the immune system starts misfiring and attacking the body thinking it’s some foreign cells so Celiac intolerance produces a wide variety of symptoms and involves the whole body and all organs and systems.
So, I’m still here. I may not have much energy to kick and scream right now but I want to hope I’ll have enough energy and belief in myself to fight and have some meaning in my life. I do truly appreciate all your support, emails, encouragement, and well wishes! They mean a lot, and I’m thankful for your thoughts and prayers!