So, it’s Wednesday, and this is usually the day when I post some fun picture quote. Not today though. I want to reflect on a few things and use words rather than images to convey what I’m feeling.
If you’ve been my follower for a while, you may have noticed that I try to keep my posts on a light side, not to indulge in some superficial meaning of words (and, if you know me personally, you are aware there’s nothing superficial about me), but to consciously concentrate on all the positive points in my life and to look for the silver lining in every situation. That doesn’t mean though that a lot of things are not tough for me, and health has always been the number one challenge point in this life. Being a cancer survivor and having to deal with a lot of other physical ailments is what shaped me into the person I am today. I consciously choose not to let other people be affected by my illnesses and concentrate on bringing only love and light to others. But the physical challenges do leave me with a great struggle to remain optimistic for myself.
I try to live and be in this world as much as I’m actually able to. I try to work and maintain my practice and spend time with my child, family and friends, cook, write, read, create, and just live… But, on some days, it is just difficult.
This weekend and earlier this week, I had yet another health scare. My heart has just not been working right these past few years, even with all the medicine that doctors have been trying to pump into it, or the medicine itself creating some new problems and side effects. They don’t know if the heart issue was brought on by the aggressive chemotherapy I had 10 years ago. You can also laugh and say it’s because I care too much about other people and not enough about myself.
As I was waiting for the test results to come back and for the heart rhythm to hopefully normalize itself somehow, part of me knew it wasn’t the time to go yet, but another part couldn’t help but acknowledge that neither health nor even life itself are ever guaranteed. If my human body ceases to exist, even from the point of today, I can say I’ve accomplished a lot. Whether those things are big or small, does not matter, as grandness was not something I’ve strived to achieve. My measure goes by how many people’s lives I managed to touch, in whatever way possible, the inspiration I wanted to bring to the world, the love I gifted where I knew not much would be sent in return, the growth I set to work on for myself and pushed others to seek, and, of course all the food I’ve cooked and shared with people.
If such day comes when my Spirit decides that it’s time to leave abruptly, just remember these things:
My absolute Love for you;
That you’re enough to be loved as you are and your worth is just given;
That whatever circumstances you see as mountains, they’re there so you can climb on top of them, not hide behind;
You reside in a human body but your Soul is limitless and so beautiful, and, the more you feel the beauty and worthiness of your own Soul, the more you can make out of life and circumstances ;
Remember the good times, endless conversations, sweet indulgences and all the moments when time stood still;
And, that my Spirit is always with you in this life and beyond. ❤